#!/usr/bin/perl

use strict;
use warnings;

sub make_sentence {
my @device;
my @location;
my @problem;
my @cause;
my @noun;
my @adjective;
my $retval;

push( @device, "14.4 dialup" );
push( @device, "2400 Baud Modem" );
push( @device, "28.8 frame relay" );
push( @device, "5 1/4 Floppy Drive" );
push( @device, "ATM" );
push( @device, "CAT5" );
push( @device, "DS3" );
push( @device, "DSL" );
push( @device, "Ether" );
push( @device, "Fiber" );
push( @device, "HSSI" );
push( @device, "ISDN" );
push( @device, "OC48" );
push( @device, "Optical Cable" );
push( @device, "PRI" );
push( @device, "Raid Array" );
push( @device, "SCSI Controller" );
push( @device, "T1" );
push( @device, "T3" );
push( @device, "Telegraph" );
push( @device, "Teletype machine" );
push( @device, "bread crumbs" );
push( @device, "cup and string" );
push( @device, "dirt trail" );
push( @device, "dual T1" );
push( @device, "frame relay" );
push( @device, "gravel road" );

push( @location, "3rd floor"); 
push( @location, "Alderan"); 
push( @location, "Arrakis, Dune, desert planet"); 
push( @location, "Dantooine"); 
push( @location, "Hoth"); 
push( @location, "M2 Networx"); 
push( @location, "Pittock"); 
push( @location, "Qwicky Mart"); 
push( @location, "Radvision"); 
push( @location, "Redback1"); 
push( @location, "Toshi Station"); 
push( @location, "headquarters"); 
push( @location, "south lata"); 
push( @location, "the DNS Server"); 
push( @location, "the DVD player"); 
push( @location, "the Death Star"); 
push( @location, "the FTP Server"); 
push( @location, "the GameCube"); 
push( @location, "the Geek House"); 
push( @location, "the Netapp"); 
push( @location, "the PS2"); 
push( @location, "the Rebel Base"); 
push( @location, "the SMTP Machines"); 
push( @location, "the Televison set"); 
push( @location, "the Ultra 5"); 
push( @location, "the Verizon Switch"); 
push( @location, "the Warp Core"); 
push( @location, "the Wookie Village"); 
push( @location, "the XF86 Server"); 
push( @location, "the Xbox"); 
push( @location, "the bathroom"); 
push( @location, "the bedroom"); 
push( @location, "the cell tower"); 
push( @location, "the demarc"); 
push( @location, "the fax machine"); 
push( @location, "the gas station"); 
push( @location, "the gatekeeper"); 
push( @location, "the living room"); 
push( @location, "the mcu"); 
push( @location, "the moon pop"); 
push( @location, "the omega 13 device"); 
push( @location, "the playstation"); 
push( @location, "the sega dreamcast"); 
push( @location, "the stereo"); 
push( @location, "the trailer park"); 
push( @location, "www.brokenmachine.com"); 
push( @location, "www.evilrobot.org"); 
push( @location, "www.fark.com"); 
push( @location, "www.humanclock.com"); 
push( @location, "www.instenes.com"); 
push( @location, "www.mydigitalvoid.com"); 
push( @location, "www.panic.net"); 
push( @location, "www.tatooine.net"); 
push( @location, "www.trance-atlantic.co.uk"); 
push( @location, "your cube"); 
push( @location, "your house"); 
push( @location, "your office"); 

push( @problem, "A.F.U."); 
push( @problem, "bitching like Perrin"); 
push( @problem, "blown"); 
push( @problem, "bombing like a macintosh"); 
push( @problem, "bouncing like a rubber biscut"); 
push( @problem, "breakdancing"); 
push( @problem, "bullshitting like Bob Grant"); 
push( @problem, "chompin like hungry, hungry hippo's"); 
push( @problem, "dead"); 
push( @problem, "doing the twist"); 
push( @problem, "down"); 
push( @problem, "dropping packets"); 
push( @problem, "dying a slow death"); 
push( @problem, "errored"); 
push( @problem, "floppin like a dying fish"); 
push( @problem, "fried"); 
push( @problem, "fscking"); 
push( @problem, "going off like a car alarm"); 
push( @problem, "hosed"); 
push( @problem, "in a battle with the dark side"); 
push( @problem, "losing cohesion"); 
push( @problem, "making a weird noise "); 
push( @problem, "not authenticating"); 
push( @problem, "paging like Tristan"); 
push( @problem, "patchy"); 
push( @problem, "rapping harder than Ice T"); 
push( @problem, "reporting 100% packet loss"); 
push( @problem, "reporting a faulty control module"); 
push( @problem, "resetting"); 
push( @problem, "rewiring servers and routers"); 
push( @problem, "rup'n like a mofo"); 
push( @problem, "screaming like Bryan Bird"); 
push( @problem, "screwed"); 
push( @problem, "sending 1111111111 "); 
push( @problem, "sending all zeros"); 
push( @problem, "shot"); 
push( @problem, "smelling funky"); 
push( @problem, "spiking"); 
push( @problem, "strobing"); 
push( @problem, "taking hits"); 
push( @problem, "toast"); 
push( @problem, "unreliable"); 
push( @problem, "wigging"); 
push( @problem, "working as good as an mcu"); 

push( @cause, "All your base are belong to us"); 
push( @cause, "Bernard Shifman threatening to sue"); 
push( @cause, "Bob Grant"); 
push( @cause, "BobaFett"); 
push( @cause, "Brad White"); 
push( @cause, "Brian Bird"); 
push( @cause, "GW Bush"); 
push( @cause, "Gozer the keymaster"); 
push( @cause, "Greedo"); 
push( @cause, "Low Memory on the Redback"); 
push( @cause, "Mordecai halting the cstrike server"); 
push( @cause, "Nutty drinking a bottle of peach schnapps"); 
push( @cause, "Shagy downloading MP3's"); 
push( @cause, "Some newbie fatfingering their password"); 
push( @cause, "Somebody set up us the bomb"); 
push( @cause, "TK421 not being at his post"); 
push( @cause, "Tom Cullen saying M-O-O-N spells network outtage"); 
push( @cause, "Tom Pickren"); 
push( @cause, "Windows 95"); 
push( @cause, "You have no chance to survive make your time"); 
push( @cause, "a R2 unit with a bad motivator"); 
push( @cause, "a crappy FE1 & CE2 engine"); 
push( @cause, "a faulty regex"); 
push( @cause, "a fibercut"); 
push( @cause, "a glitch"); 
push( @cause, "a great disturbance in the force"); 
push( @cause, "a memory leak in the lyris server"); 
push( @cause, "a mistake"); 
push( @cause, "a power outage"); 
push( @cause, "a screwed up .procmailrc file"); 
push( @cause, "a trailing space in /etc/netgroups"); 
push( @cause, "a trailing space in /etc/passwd"); 
push( @cause, "a translator who speaks Bocce"); 
push( @cause, "an errant well-driller"); 
push( @cause, "an invasion from a parallel universe"); 
push( @cause, "binary language of moisture vaporators"); 
push( @cause, "burned out dilithium crystals"); 
push( @cause, "electromagnetic pulse"); 
push( @cause, "neo taking the red pill"); 
push( @cause, "nurf herders"); 
push( @cause, "overloaded quake server"); 
push( @cause, "some bitchy farm boy on tatooine"); 
push( @cause, "someone halting red5.teleport.com"); 
push( @cause, "the Dali-Lama"); 
push( @cause, "the UPS is smoking and almost in flames"); 
push( @cause, "the death of dot com companies"); 
push( @cause, "the doj break up of microsoft"); 
push( @cause, "the evil spock with a goatee"); 
push( @cause, "the monkey done broke it"); 
push( @cause, "the newbie thinking 'halt' means 'exit'"); 
push( @cause, "the power of the dark side"); 
push( @cause, "the terrible acting by the kid who played anakin"); 
push( @cause, "the ypservers not being in sync"); 
push( @cause, "unscheduled testing of the battery backup system"); 
push( @cause, "your failure at the cave"); 

push( @noun, "AOL"); 
push( @noun, "Apu"); 
push( @noun, "Barbarella"); 
push( @noun, "Covad"); 
push( @noun, "CrossPoint Ventures"); 
push( @noun, "ELI"); 
push( @noun, "Earthlink"); 
push( @noun, "GST"); 
push( @noun, "GTE"); 
push( @noun, "Han Solo"); 
push( @noun, "Homer Simpson"); 
push( @noun, "M2 Networx"); 
push( @noun, "Microsoft"); 
push( @noun, "Netscape"); 
push( @noun, "Network Appliance"); 
push( @noun, "OneMain.com"); 
push( @noun, "Pac Bell"); 
push( @noun, "Qwest"); 
push( @noun, "R2D2"); 
push( @noun, "RedHat"); 
push( @noun, "Redback"); 
push( @noun, "Sun Microsystems"); 
push( @noun, "Tech Support"); 
push( @noun, "Teleport"); 
push( @noun, "The Cult of the Dead Cow"); 
push( @noun, "The Empire"); 
push( @noun, "The Network Admin"); 
push( @noun, "The Rebel Alliance"); 
push( @noun, "The Script Kiddy"); 
push( @noun, "The Sys Admin"); 
push( @noun, "The T1000"); 
push( @noun, "US West"); 
push( @noun, "Valve Software"); 
push( @noun, "Verio"); 
push( @noun, "Verizon"); 
push( @noun, "Victor the Cleaner"); 

push( @adjective, "RNA"); 
push( @adjective, "asleep"); 
push( @adjective, "being \"re-worked\" by George Lucas"); 
push( @adjective, "being bought by AOL"); 
push( @adjective, "being purchased by Earthlink"); 
push( @adjective, "blaming George Lucas"); 
push( @adjective, "blaming Microsoft"); 
push( @adjective, "blaming it on our equipment"); 
push( @adjective, "blasting through 30 million dollars"); 
push( @adjective, "browsing slashdot"); 
push( @adjective, "charging the omega 13 device"); 
push( @adjective, "crank calling George W Bush"); 
push( @adjective, "deathmatching"); 
push( @adjective, "downloading the new Half-Life patch"); 
push( @adjective, "downloading warez & porn"); 
push( @adjective, "eating 24 free dinners at Sweet Tomatoes"); 
push( @adjective, "gasing up the marketing hype machine"); 
push( @adjective, "gibbin, laws yes"); 
push( @adjective, "going bankrupt"); 
push( @adjective, "going down like a whore in a room full of sailors"); 
push( @adjective, "going to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters"); 
push( @adjective, "hacking aquarium.org"); 
push( @adjective, "havin' a smoke"); 
push( @adjective, "having Robert Mann to write some scripts"); 
push( @adjective, "having a LAN party"); 
push( @adjective, "hiring Bob Grant to scuttle the company"); 
push( @adjective, "horking out last night's beer"); 
push( @adjective, "ignoring the fact that they have one network admin left"); 
push( @adjective, "jumping on the buzzword bandwagon"); 
push( @adjective, "laying off the portland office"); 
push( @adjective, "looking for someone to blame");
push( @adjective, "merging w/ Verizon"); 
push( @adjective, "moving the portland office to denver"); 
push( @adjective, "ordering a pizza"); 
push( @adjective, "out to lunch"); 
push( @adjective, "planning a christmas party"); 
push( @adjective, "planting trees instead of cell towers"); 
push( @adjective, "playing Grand Theft Auto 3"); 
push( @adjective, "playing NFL 2k2"); 
push( @adjective, "playing Tony Hawk 3"); 
push( @adjective, "playing counter-strike"); 
push( @adjective, "playing dope-wars on the palm pilot"); 
push( @adjective, "playing half-life"); 
push( @adjective, "playing way too much Diablo II"); 
push( @adjective, "port scanning the entire /16"); 
push( @adjective, "practicing the jedi mind trick"); 
push( @adjective, "practicing their rocket jump"); 
push( @adjective, "promising a severance package next week"); 
push( @adjective, "pumping a grumpy"); 
push( @adjective, "quitting"); 
push( @adjective, "reading userfriendly.org"); 
push( @adjective, "removing the W's from the keyboards"); 
push( @adjective, "reorganizing into small business units"); 
push( @adjective, "required to go to a mandatory meeting to be fired"); 
push( @adjective, "rolling a bone"); 
push( @adjective, "selling their customers to MSN"); 
push( @adjective, "selling their dialup customers to Earthlink"); 
push( @adjective, "serving barbecued Ewok"); 
push( @adjective, "sleeping"); 
push( @adjective, "smoking a big fatty"); 
push( @adjective, "smoking crack"); 
push( @adjective, "taking a percodan"); 
push( @adjective, "taking barbital"); 
push( @adjective, "too high to give a damn"); 
push( @adjective, "trying to be EBITDA positive by the end of the year"); 
push( @adjective, "trying to hook a PS2 up to the network"); 
push( @adjective, "trying to raise 10 million more"); 
push( @adjective, "unaware that they lost their last sytem administrator"); 
push( @adjective, "watching IP theater"); 
push( @adjective, "watching WWF Smackdown"); 
push( @adjective, "wearing womens panties"); 
push( @adjective, "wished well in their future endeavors"); 
push( @adjective, "woofing down a plate of peas"); 
push( @adjective, "working on retention of high performance employees"); 
push( @adjective, "working on their web site"); 

my $devicevar = $device[ rand(scalar(@device) )-1 ];
my $locationvar = $location[ rand(scalar( @location ) )-1 ];
my $problemvar = $problem[ rand(scalar( @problem ) )-1 ];
my $causevar = $cause[ rand(scalar( @cause ) )-1 ];
my $nounvar = $noun[ rand( scalar( @noun ) )-1 ];
my $adjectivevar = $adjective[ rand(scalar( @adjective ) )-1 ];

my $retVal .= "The $devicevar to $locationvar is $problemvar because " . 
"of $causevar.\n$nounvar is $adjectivevar";

return($retVal);
}

print make_sentence() . "\n";